I am a work in progress

After nearly two months away from yoga, I cannot expect to be at my peak of performance. I also cannot expect to look like the yoga instructor (ever - not just after a hiatus!). I cannot even expect my body to fit right back into the feel of yoga without some protesting. This is all easy to know intellectually, but making this part of my emotional knowledge is more challenging. To be honest, one of the reasons I haven't been doing much yoga is that I know how it taps into my emotional body and I have been afraid to go there. I am holding so much in the knots and tight spaces in my body that I know once I start to loosen up in twists and openers I will be sobbing on the mat. I have wanted to deal with some of my pent up emotions first before prostrating myself on the mat.
But it is time.
I gave myself permission to not stress about getting to yoga, or doing any real workouts, for the last six weeks or so, because life was so busy and stressful and I just had to get through. I had to prioritize other things that had real deadlines, but now that those tasks have been accomplished, and the deadlines are past, I am committed to getting back to what I know makes me feel good.
So I have gained some weight and gotten a bit rusty and creaky. So what? Life happens.
I cannot judge myself against the younger woman who looks the way I want to look: she has probably had plenty of free time to devote to fitness (and rest), whereas I have had many obstacles in my way.  I also cannot give up hope that I will achieve my goal someday (not the goal of looking like someone twenty years younger - that would be foolish - but the goal of feeling fitter, slimmer, and generally more like the version of me I know is under there).
I have to just be okay that I am a work in progress. I am not there yet, but I am on my way. And in the meantime, I am happy to be feeling good, happy to be making steps, and grateful to be back on the mat.